Tight squeeze

Someone has shrunk the gap between the railings on my balcony. I can barely squeeze through them.

Things are looking down(stairs)

They think I am stupid but I am not. I know that when the big green bag comes out, they're leaving home for a while. And that is exactly what's going on. The visitors are due this evening - how to cope? - and it seems Olivka and I are to be offered hospitality with the neighbours. I have been to see them once or twice and it's quite pleasant. On one occasion I played a little hard to get.. scared? No, no! And they tempted me to go in with a bowl of cream. My whiskers are twitching at the ready.

Whilst I am very independent, almost totally self taught, it does occur to me that they might be gone for a few feed times.

I hope they'll come back... I enjoy the odd chin scratch and tummy ruffle with her... still, back to my chair. The cushion's been plumped up. Is that a nibble of something I can spy on the carpet?

Tortilla chip

They were eating tortilla chips yesterday evening and I wanted to eat something - I like to take part in their rituals. So, I managed to stand up on my hind legs, placed my front paw on my table (they were using it for their purposes...) and although I couldn't see what I was doing, I tried to pat the bowl onto the floor.

It didn't work.

But it did alert to them my wish to try aforementioned chip. In fact, they gave me several, and one even had some garlicky humus on it. Mmmm...

Scrawny Legs got nothing.

Visitors

They seem to be talking about visitors. And I think I heard that one of them is a CHILD. I don't like small children, visitors, loud noises, the vet, fish skin, marmite or travel. This may well turn out to be a difficult week. Perhaps Oliveka will create a diversion and small child will focus on her. Yes, I will disguise myself, I will try to be a cushion or part of the roof...I must prepare!

Big Brother is too loud

Last night they were watching Big Brother - again. I sat through the first ten minutes, watching with moderate interest from my chair, which is usefully situated within viewing distance of the TV. In fact, it's positioned helpfully so that I can see anything or anyone from any angle. Providing I can shift my rotund tum a little to the left or right. And I can.

Because of the noise and shouting generated by this programme, I thought for a moment that perhaps Aslan was being attacked in the garden, or The Evil One had returned with an army of Evil Ones and they were all attacking Aslan. I would have stepped down from my chair to check, but this Bigger Brother had reached fever pitch and I simply had to retire to the bedroom and lie down on my (ahem, their) bed. What an evening!

There is a FLY in my bowl.

I am horrified to discover there is a fly persistently landing in my bowl. I must turn away, I cannot look. I'll send Oleevka to deal with it.

I'll just have to eat some biscuits for a while.

Morning briefing

I strolled out this morning to monitor the garden activity from my table, and found everything to be in order. My dream cat/new neighbour hasn't visited me at all lately. Perhaps if I left a small snack in the garden... I know someone's been visiting, the abandoned mini BBQ has been sniffed by someone.

I was ready to return, only to discover that the door had closed behind me. With a sigh, I employed my rather clever tactic to gain re-entry - scratching very hard at the door. And low and behold, she let me in. A good job too since her movement to the door had disturbed The Scrawny One and she was pushed to the floor and off the lap.

Last night, I sampled a blob of Polish mayonnaise. Mmm, quite nice, quite nice...and a small scratchin' of peperoni...

I am a social network

My weekend was hectic, a complete social whirl. I broke into a trot on the stairs to draw their attention to my need to go outside, made a little easier by gravity. Indeed, I had to slow up a little before I collided with our front door. OK, so she wants a pug, but a facial collision would hardly facilitate such change.

And I was delighted, charmed and a little out of breath to discover my new neighbour awaited me at the bottom of my outdoor steps. A leonine vision, in possession of a foxy and bushy tail, a dark stripe down the back and a sort of permanent smile around the whiskers, this new neighbour is a dream kit. We sat together for some time, (I tried to draw in my girth a tad,) we ate a little grass together, s/he peed on the soil and I looked the other way, I let s/he go up my stairs and inspect the backdoor, I am smitten!

But you know how it is, a very, very large bird flew scarily low overhead, and I felt it best to sit quietly and safely under the bike cover. Ah yes, just the place on a hot summer's day. Meanwhile, 'Aslan' as I shall call her/him disappeared alluringly through the hole in our fence.

It's stopped flashing.

I've had some trouble with my internet connection lately and somehow couldn't get it working. I offered the magic box some catnip, my biscuits, a ball AND..AND The Scrawny One. I rolled over and poked it with my paw, I ran away from it, I licked it, I scratched it and nothing. This is being posted by a neigbour. Cue Sasha rolling around on carpet, quick flash of teeth as cheek rubs carpet.

The heat is on

No sooner do I write about the wet weather than it turns hot. During this hot phase I can lie on my balcony (1 minute duration,)I can sit on my table (longer, not so hot during evening, blessed with warm wind - table not me,) or I can lounge kittylike on my chair. Whatever my choice, it's pretty damned hot in this black coat leading to a little less observation than usual.

***Breaking news*** The black and white cat has been removed, clutched by her human, probably never to be seen again in these parts. Here's hoping. Aah, I'm sure she'll be sorely missed, but hey, time heals, right?

El Scrawny One flapping about, making everything seem hotter.

Cheesecake? For moi? Now? BE RIGHT BACK!

Is it worth going outside when it's raining?

I have been remiss of late and neglected my blog. The reason? Mostly because the weather has been too wet for my paws to type. Even the balcony and my table have been too wet to step onto, let alone my keyboard. And then I wonder is it worth the few steps I must take to survey my garden and keep an eye on the intruders? The rain was too much for a delicate, sophisticat as myself, and would one of those LA pooches have to tiptoe into the rain? Would Britney's pooch or Paris' doodle doggie have to suffer as I do? I decided not. Instead, I nimbly jumped onto the chest of drawers to peer outside. The truth is that I was a little restricted in my view, their curtains obscuring matters below. I tried the window ledge instead but found myself the subject of laughter as I looked like a bride - swathed in white muslin from the irritatingly 90's curtain affair they have erected. This cat is no-one's bride, although I considered for a moment my wedding list - 20,000 packets of Oh So Fishy, ten dozen chickens - cooked then cooled, some smoked salmon sides, a bowl of crisps, some kitnip ( am trying to give it up as it will soon be banned in public spaces..), and how about some lightly poached eggs? Yes, perhaps I could try marriage. A groom you say? I need a groom? I am so very now as you know, therefore I will resist the heterosexual norms we have thrust upon us even in cathood, and decide for myself on my felinesexuality. Nap/nip time. Au revoir.